A blog for Christian men "going their own way."

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Memorial Day Weekend Thoughts on Marriage

If I were a non-believing man, I'd probably swear off marriage and family. Why would I honor the marriage vow before a wedding when a woman is not likely to honor it afterwards? I truly believe that most non-religious women in a post-feminist, contemporary society are emotionally unstable, condescending towards men, or both. In this respect, things are certainly not promising for secular men.

So, why are religious pundits worried about the general population not getting married and having children (1 Cor. 5:12)? People have their priorities mixed up on this issue. We should be worried about the souls of our non-churched neighbors, not how many children they bring into a precarious situation. My fellow believers do not seem to be particularly upset that the Canaanites, Amalekites, or Midianites did not leave behind a progeny. So should we really believe that God is now obligated to preserve the legacy of a people that have turned away from him?

What about marriage to a believing woman? Perhaps--if you can truly find a believing woman. Houses of worship may have more females than males, but I have my reservations about churchgoing women. Are they going to church to grow deeper in their understanding of God's will for them, or are they just attracted to the social activities, communal life, and nurturing atmosphere? I fear that religious men cannot find a sure bet for love even among the pews in the sanctuary. Blessed is the man who beats the odds in this respect.

What is the conclusion of the matter? "The form of this world is passing away" (1 Cor. 7:31). "Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and whose trust is the Lord" (Jeremiah 17:7). It's time for men to stop listening to the siren songs of our culture--even those siren songs coming from ostensibly"conservative," "pro-family" voices. You do not have to seek the companionship of any woman if there is a doubt about it benefiting you.

Turning away from the siren songs can be a lonely road and even set you against others around you. Like David, you might be in a position to declare, "I have become a stranger unto my brethren, and alien unto my mother's children" (Psalms 69:8). But "men going their own way" in this matter is not a crime, nor is it the end of the world. We are are not called to be pleasers of men, but to be pleasers of God (Gal. 1:10). If we seek God and his righteousness, then things have a way of working out for the best (Matthew 6:33).


Anonymous said...

Yet God does bless us and look past all of our failings -- both those of ourselves and those of other believers. It is a good world. And good things do happen, Anakin. You are right to point out the idiocies of people who want to "shame" a man if he is single or rebuke him if he doesn't go through Elder Billy Bob for permission to spend time with a lady ... but good things happen too.

And recognizing that is part of being a Godly man, too.

LadyElaine said...

thank you. This has really encouraged me, because as a single woman, I too just have a hard time buying into the "boundless nonsense" in regards to dating....

Ken said...

It is very important that Christians who are looking for (or open to finding) a spouse not assume that that someone is a Christian simply because they attend the same church. Also, there are differences in spiritual maturity within the Body as well.

During my umarried days, I was highly discouraged, doubting that I would be able to find a godly woman who would be a good fit for me.

Two things I found to be extremely helpful:

1) Being okay with being single/unmarried.

2) Knowing under what circumstances I would feel compelled to marry, which I knew would completely change my life. Most of this involved knowing what I needed in a wife, which took knowing myself well enough.

Marriage is not for everyone. We should not devalue it by encouraging people to get married when they are not in a place to be a good spouse or when they haven't found the spouse right for them.

Blue Sky, Autumn Leaves said...


I've dropped in to read several of your posts...and you have some good things to say...much of which I'd likely find attractive in a man if he actually acted out some of these ideals...

However, your opinion of women seems to be incredibly low. Even "Christian" women are getting the short end of the stick.

What exactly would you term a "godly" woman?

SavvyD said...

Traditionally healthy societies were based on a population pyramid with large numbers of little ones on up to the aged being the little top. A society with large numbers of singles is less stable. Just look around you at the world we live in. It doesn't take a geniou to see that it's not so stable and not so hot. We should remember that no one is perfect--marriage is partly about love and working together because two are better than one and get a greater return for their efforts. Married people are generally still happier. I'm not missionary material, I'm no Elisabeth Elliot, and don't read my Bible as often as I should, but I think I might be Godly enough for some guys and lots of guys would be Godly enough for me. I'm still a witness to alot of people--a little salt and light.

SavvyD said...

it does take a genius to spell it geniou!!! ;)