When it so happens that we're the one who wants sex and you're the one who doesn't, we find your refusal to be confusing and irritating. Reassure us that we're attractive and that you love us, but that you just aren't in the mood. It helps to throw out a hint at what's going on--that you're tired, depressed, anxious at work, whatever, says Aline Zoldbrod, Ph.D., a Boston-area psychologist. That way we won't obsess or be too pouty or aggressive. If we happen to be fresh off a girls' night out liquored up and ready for sex, which you're refusing, tread extra carefully. Horny can change to emotional, crying wreckage very quickly when your girl has a couple of glasses of Prosecco in her.
Let me get this straight ...
1. Drunken man pressures woman for sex? Analysis: Creep, humiliating, exploitation, rape.
3. Drunken woman pressures men for sex? Analysis: If you are not going to perform, then Dude, you better have a good alibi or else!
And the pundits wonder where all the "good men" have gone? "Good men" do not put up with trashy behavior. Yet ... nothing is new under the sun (Amos 4:1-3).
4 comments:
Good point.
Just like a wife, it is possible that a husband has good reasons for saying no. And just like a wife, if this a common situation then there is a bigger problem.
In general, a husband or wife should be willing to meet their spouse's needs. But there are situations where something else is going on.
Unfortunately, many husbands, if they share with their wife the truth about why they said "no", face many negative consequences.
what's even sadder is that both men and women should be able to have enough emotional safety in their marriages to explain their nos. Immature people don't accept nos and throw hissy fits. Mature people attempt to understand the nos and deal with the realities of a no. Translation: if someone doesn't want sex, I need to learn that it is not always about the person who said no. Posts like the article create nothing but blame shifting between the sexes.
Personally, I would rather endure a woman's hatred of me and what I stand for, rather than hope that deep down she actually might love me. At least the hatred is out in the open, and not hidden behind a facade of "I love you, except for.."
I waste no time pining away for the love of a woman. It doesn't exist anymore.
Reassure us that we're attractive and that you love us
I find it amusing and slightly irritating that none of you had any input on this.
Of course, immediately latch onto the part that is so obviously incredibly worldly that there's bound to be a million things wrong with what was suggested. You guys completely ignore what could actually be viable truth in it =p
Didn't you know that in this sex crazed world where men that look like roley poleys end up with athletic and sophisticated women, self-esteem is becoming a woman's bane? Even a healthy, stable, mature woman struggles with it. Though a healthy, stable, mature woman isn't likely to throw a temper tantrum, thinking that you are not attracted to her is going to sting...and maybe hurt. Though she's logical enough to think, "hey...these emotions are unreasonable and ridiculous..." the emotions are still there, and slowly, they eat at her...until the next time you tell her how beautiful she is and that you love her.
You guys can be so insensitive =p
Just an FYI - I don't necessarily disagree with anything you say and I rather enjoy what you have to say. HOWEVER, I do tend to find you and some of the others slightly off balance, as well. Only, in the opposite direction of those you are so adamently against. Maybe more balanced than, say, Debbie Maken or Ted Slater, but not by much.
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