A blog for Christian men "going their own way."

Monday, June 8, 2009

Kid's Cereal for Feminists

It's interesting that Tom Neven of Boundless brought up a case about a lawsuit over a kid's cereal brand. I've been having my own thoughts about the issue of kid's cereal, and I conclude it's only a matter of time before academia and government address the controversy surrounding this consumer product. Specifically, I am concerned about cereal mascots. Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, Dig 'Em Frog, the Rice Krispies Elves, Silly Rabbit, Count Chocula, and other notables are clearly male (which is a social problem).

The obvious gender imbalance may affect the self-esteem of young girls. To correct this situation, a bill will be introduced in the House of Representatives by the Democratic members of the Women's Caucus, entitled the Lily Loopy Cereal Equality Act. A government agency will oversee the introduction of new brands of cereal on the market reflecting the aspirations of young female consumers. Some examples include ...

1. Gaia - Not your typical kids cereal. It contains puffs made from organically grown rice with a small packet of the natural sweetener Stevia, marketed under "fair trade" specifications. Also included is an educational booklet for young girls discussing the importance of the environment and possible careers in science.

2. PowerPuffs!! (with the two exclamation marks) - It features the PowerPuff Girls(tm) as the mascots. Commercials will feature young girls beating boys in some traditionally masculine pastime. "Every bowl's a bowl of Grrl Power!!!"

3. Bratz C3r3l - For the modern material girl and lipstick feminist. Cereal box features significantly more prizes than usual.

Of course, there will be no need to create brands of cereal targeted towards boys, because we live in a patriarchal culture and every brand of cereal is really a boy's cereal, anyway. Girls, on the other hand, will be encouraged to eat whatever brand they like.

Follow your nose.

5 comments:

Dave said...

Perhaps not as far off as some might think.

Novaseeker said...

Oh come on, Anakin. You can do better than that.

Where is the cereal for gay children? What about "genderqueer" kids -- don't they get a cereal, too? I mean we all know that gender is constructed and exists on a continuum of our own making -- so why not have a a cereal like Gender Flakes or something, where kids are encouraged to arrange them to express their own personal gender truths and so on?

Fight the power!

Amir Larijani said...

Novaseeker: I thought they already had such a cereal: Froot Loops.

Learner said...

"Also included is an educational booklet for young girls discussing the importance of the environment and possible careers in science."

This is brilliant :)

Gary said...

You write like a man who's been consuming an excessive amount of Sour Grape Nuts.